In the mail

Though I should be furiously typing away at my thesis, I decided to write a quick update. Lots always goes on in my life, and I do want to keep up with blogging even though it’s an extremely busy month.

I put my application to the Japan Exchange and Teaching Program in the mail yesterday, complete with a Statement of Purpose written by me and not a joke version written by a friend. Knowing the packet is in transit to DC has my nerves jangling. Applying to this marks the first time in years I’ve become so invested in a program. Though I checked my application multiple times before sending it, I’m still afraid I missed something that will cause me to lose points and damage my chances of getting an interview. I have all the qualifications and I’m good at handling the stresses unique to living abroad, but what the JET committee will think is outside my control.

When I applied to graduate schools, Emerson was my first choice by a relatively slim margin. I would have been quite happy at my second choice (Minnesota) and I could have been happy at my third or fourth place choices out in non-urban settings. Wanting one very competitive program over all the other teaching abroad options is uncomfortable because of the possibility of failure. I will be upset if I’m rejected. Though I know I’d recover quickly from the disappointment and while South Korea would also be a great experience, I’m unused to rejection. I’m having trouble remembering if I’ve ever lost out on an opportunity I really wanted– I got into the graduate program I wanted, my application to study abroad as an undergrad was accepted, I’ve generally managed to find jobs that don’t suck when I needed employment, etc.

I’ll be able to put a positive spin on whatever the results of the process are, since mostly I’m good at moving forward and improving my life bit by bit. Accepting the eventual results does not, however, mean I have to enjoy the months of waiting to find out.

And now, back to my thesis. I turn it in for the defense on Friday, then get to relax over Thanksgiving. The defense happens December 1st, I put a last coat of polish on it, and turn it in by the 8th. The end is in sight!

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